Confessions from a Grocery Snob

My name is Janni Sun, and I am a Pretentious Grocery Shopper. 

When I'm perusing the produce section, inspecting the items, I occasionally sense the poor store employee stocking the celery turning toward me to give the customary "How are you finding everything today?" only to change their mind and instead avoid eye contact. Do I look like a street hoodlum? Violent thug? Perhaps. I did just recently chop off most of my hair. No, it's more likely that I am in GROCERY BITCH MODE.

Sometimes, I catch myself in an an expression best described as:

faire la moue [French]: to slightly pout one's lips to express discontent. (sometimes shortened to "moue")

Like so.

I believe I was introduced to this phrase by Celine, the French exchange student at Rhodes, a fabulous, gorgeous, Parisian that perfected the look that says, "Well, that's... well."

I can't help it. Since my shopping-cart-sitting days, my father, the agriculturist, has been imparting the secrets of selecting the best food:

"If the stem or pip is still there, that means it's fresh."
"Look for the one that is more round on the end, that means it ripened on the vine."
"Check the bottom. Look at the edges. It's not in season."

I try to apply all of these tasty wisdom nuggets, but unfortunately the side effect is that I deliberate twice as long as the average shopper with this "moue" on my face, evoking thunderclouds and probably scaring small children. I will tap every 15 lb. watermelon until I find one that resonates perfect crispiness. I'll rake through the beans and only select the most tender and fresh. Each peach must be checked for the stem and tested for firmness before I select it. I am that girl.

So I apologize to anyone who runs into me at the grocery store. I promise I'm not judging you, just the freshness of this tomato.